To alter my daughter's perception of reality

When they are old enough, I plan to mess with the minds of my children. The first thing I am going to do is take them to a clearcut and show it to them with a great smile on my face.

"Yuck," Natalie will say. "What's that?"

"Why," I will reply, spreading my arms grandly, "it's a baby forest."

"And what are those things?" she will ask, pointing to the stumps.

"Seats, of course."

Whammo. In 30 short seconds I will have completely altered her view of what a clearcut represents.