The remnants of the all candidates meeting

With two children in elementary school, and one of them on the spectrum, it's become more important to me to know who's running our school district. More important, who's running it into the ground.

I attended the All Candidates meeting for school trustee last night, partly because it was my civic duty and partly to get out of the house. Without the kids. Or the wife.

I also did it because I knew that a slate of people passionate about their School District, all of whom were inexperienced and dreaded public speaking, was going to make for a fun night.

I was not disappointed.

Top Five Opening Statement Remarks

1. I went to school for three years. No, wait, six years.
2. I'm not actually endorsed by anybody, but ...
3. I'm not going to try and sell you on my accolades. You can check them out on my website yourself.
4. I think I can do this thing.
5. Now that I'm retired, I kind of have time to be involved.
6. I was a teacher for six years. But then I found I could make more money elsewhere.
7. My community has lots of information about me (doesn't give out any of it).

Top Answers to the Question: "What specific technical skills do you bring to the School Board?"

1. I have a Facebook account.
2. I was a scout leader.
3. I do NOT work well in cubicles.
4. First off, I'm a mom. Oh, and an accountant.
5. I've uh, been, uh, a member of, uh, Toastmaster for, uh, 17 years. So, yeah...

Top Three Answers to the Question: "Do you have children in school?"

1. Yes.
2. No.
3. None, personally ...
4. I've been a Scout leader for years, and I consider every one of them my kids, so probably.
5. The short answer is yes (keeps talking for another minute).

Top Answers to the Question: "What experience do you bring to the position of School Trustee?"

1. I was once a thought leader. I don't do that any more.
2. As a real estate agent, I have been in over 5,000 homes in the district.
3. I coach soccer!
4. I am regularly questioned. So, I'm ready for those kind of things.
5. I was bullied as a child. I was burned. Kids called me scarface.

Top Answers to the Question: 'What steps will you take to address the current financial crisis of our school district?'

1. Filming movies in schools. There's a lot of money to be made there.
2. You gotta treat each school like they're your own kid, and say to them, get off your butt and work for it. No free rides!
3. I can write good plans.

Top Two Answers to the Question: "Would you seek to terminate the Confucious Institute Program?"

1. Yes! I guess ...
2. You know, I looked at that answer, and I thought to myself, 'I wonder what the hell that means?'
3. I really have to say I'm not qualified to answer this question, but if it's making us money, I think we should keep it.

Top awkward statement of the night

It's tough being a 13 year old girls (said the 60 year old white male)